Retreat

I have just returned from a week of silent retreat with Stephen and Martine Batchelor. I was not planning on attending, but they were in the country and the week opened up free of significant engagements.

It was my second retreat. The first was seminal, cementing my commitment to Buddhist practice. It set me on the path to farming without suffering. It also provided the first significant breakthrough at a personal level. An insight into my own version of dhukka, and the release of a reservoir of retained 'suffering'.

This time I did not commence retreat with any particular expectations. Instead I was looking for nourishment from practice with a group of similarly motivated people, and further guidance from Stephen and Martine, my Buddhist mentors.

The first two or three days of retreat always seem so... questionable? Why am I here? Is this really going to help? Why am I struggling to concentrate and stay awake? Is this really the path for me?

By day 4 I had found my level, and by the last day I did not want to leave, and I certainly did not want to break silence.

Needless to say the nourishment and guidance were there, albeit in slightly unexpected and occasionally unnerving ways. So was a deepened understanding of my practice.

Interestingly the work of retreat has continued in the week since it finished. Trying to bring the personal shifts and realisations back home has been a challenge. I feared that they were too ill formed and fragile to expose to the reality of day to day family and farm life.

So far my sense of calm and clear purpose has endured. The changes have not been so fragile and ephemeral as I expected.