How to farm with children?
We have made a decision to bring our children up on a farm. Fresh air, healthy life, working together... what could be better?
Apparently almost anything according to our 16 years old. He has just spontaneously left home for life in town, without chores, with good internet access and close to his friends and social scene. He has no means of providing for himself - but that is another story.
It is certainly a moral dilemma. Everything I value can be realised in a life based on a farm. Not so for everyone. Until now we have been responsible for setting the context for our children. It has not been without resistance. In fact resistance to just about anything that could be construed as work, and resistance to anything that impedes their ability to do as they want.
We have pressed on regardless (effectively resisting their resistance!) Fully aware that our choices are not theirs, we have necessarily made some of the fundamental decisions that affect their lives.
I have agonised over this - unending potential for suffering here. Lead by example? Let them do whatever they want? Require them to participate in what we value? Hope that someday they will come to appreciate the choices we have made - as though somehow those choices are 'right'?
Over time I have retreated, and retreated... and retreated - trying to soften that inevitable desire to exert control and vindicate my historic choices. It has been a process or facing up to my resistance to the clear observation that the children do not value what I value.
If only they could see! But of course, I know they can - just they don't see the way that I see.
These are interests, plans, dreams and aspirations that are clearly not theirs. I feel a responsibility to provide and protect. Does it extend to providing information, or forming that information into guidance. Do our children have an innate nature that will lead them to a healthy relationship with the inevitable joys and suffering of life?
Pressuring them to comply with our desires has certainly not proven to be wise. But what is?
And I struggle - 'mine' 'theirs' - where do 'I' end and 'they' begin?
