Today a neighbour came over.
He came to collect some cattle that had worked their way into our property. I had put them in our yards.
As the neighbour is a weekend farmer I expected the cattle to be with us for a few days. So I let them into a small paddock next to the yards.
We run a fairly lightweight electric fencing network. These cattle were not familiar with electricity. They jumped the fence. I put them back in the yards, fixed the fence, tried again. This time they did not even bother to jump the fence. They just walked through it.
Back in the yards. I wondered what I would do to provide feed and water for the cattle until the weekend.
Fortunately Dave turned up two days early.
He took his cattle and walked them down to the road and through a gate.
That gate. The one where the gatepost is held up by the gate rather than the other way around.
As soon as we removed the chain to open the gate, the post fell down.
My farm is full of these things. Jobs that I really want to do, but haven't. And every time I am confronted with one I feel dissatisfied - even ashamed. Today, with a formerly proud anchor post to my fence prone on the ground, I felt like a failure. This was not the trademark of a 'successful' farmer.
No matter how much I tell myself that I am walking to the beat of a different drum, I can't help feeling that perhaps I am just lost. It certainly feels lonely out here in the wilderness of my own uncertainty and confusion.
The post just is what it is - old and broken. It has not been fixed by me or anyone else. It is not as I would like it. I know I should not take it personally - but I still do.
