Right now is not easy

Sometimes I think I am going mad.

If I continue this inward spiral perhaps the concentrated energy of internal inertia will result in implosion?

I farm and I do other things as well.

Right now life is not comfortable.

Farming, the weather, cattle prices, my marriage, my children, my family, my other roles in life (and they consume a considerable proportion of my energy), the world... they are challenging. They are not bad, just not the way I would wish.

Today I learned that my father (he is over 70) has had his first real health scare. This on the back of so much other stuff that has arisen dependently over the last few months.

I am trying to bend...  not to break.

I love my father. Right now I can really feel our "aloneness" - his and mine.

What is this?

Why is it so?

On my most recent retreat, Martine urged me not to construct a buddhist universe that contained my reality, but instead to act in each of my 'roles' in life with buddhist intent - to creatively engage with whatever the moment had to offer.

I have no idea what the next week offers.

Creative engagement.. it beckons.