Just a few thoughts on my retreat of four months ago.
It is hard to articulate the enduring change.
I am still me - whatever that amalgam of circumstance and potential is.
None of my habits have gone - least of all the pernicious, selfish and ultimately destructive ones.
But the circumstance of retreat and its influence on potential have certainly wrought change.
I am more aware of the ludicrousness of the structure in which western culture frames my life - the terms that define conventional success or failure.
My frailties and hypocrisies stand more starkly against the complex background of familiar relationships.
The optimism for a creative and loving life looms stronger.
The old securities are revealed in their entombing vacuousness.
Sometimes I feel like a ghost, haunting a shell of someone who used to be me - looking for new territory to settle.
I have not found answers - but many dead ends are more starkly revealed.
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